Poem

So as I write these thoughts,
My mind is completely lost
Love is all that I have left
Love for a Savior who was put to death
Put do death so I could live
And that gift,
He continues to freely give
But as I sit and spit this rap
The gift is what I'm getting at
And I think of my selfishness
All the times I have continued this
Idolized other relationships
Lusted after what I could not get
Better yet what I knew was death
But not the death He was tortured with
Instead of dying to the flesh
I am living in this mess
How many times does He offer it?
When in the back of my mind
I know I’m not gonna quit
So why do I ask for forgiveness then?
What is the true price for my sin
That I continue to selfishly live in?
So repentance is what I am aiming at
It’s a change of life and of habitat
Excuse me, I meant to say habits
Silly rabbit, these tricks aren’t even for grown ups
So I throw my hands up
To the El Shaddai most high
The One who reigns most supreme
Over all earthly kings and queens
So I bow on my knees
And my sin He frees
Washing me pure as snow
So, that I know, I never have to live in this
This guilt and shame of my sin
Because of Him
I was born again

Break My Heart for What Breaks YOURS!

The past two times I have tried to write I have completely shut down. The things I knew I was going to write about were selfish. This however I am writing because the Lord has stirred my heart and burned within me a passion. Lately my heart has been overwhelmed. Over the past few days I have been praying that God would truly break my heart for what breaks His! This happened tonight. My heart is broken, overwhelmed, I am literally in tears.

Let me first start with 1 Timothy 15:17

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

I am Paul, I sin daily! I deny the God in others, I struggle with lust, I struggle with self worth, plain and simple I am a sinner. These things I write aren't an attack on people, but an act of love because I see these sins in my youth and my heart breaks. God has given me a passion for youth, and I praise Him for that every day. Lately I have been seeing the choices of some of the youth whose lives I am involved in. These choices are a direct act of disobedience and sin against God! I see them struggling with things that I have struggled with in the past, and even things that I struggle with to this day! I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. I cry out:

"Father You give me this passion, yet I feel so helpless! I don't know what to do!"

Then I realize I can do nothing. If God is going to use me to speak into these kids lives then His will be done! If not, then His will be done! God knows my passion for youth and these youth especially that I minister to. He knows their hearts. He knows my heart. Whether through me or someone else He will speak to these kids, it is their choice to accept it.

What frustrates me the most though is that we live in this mindset that our God has two characters: love, and forgiveness. Yes, those are two great characteristics of God, but what about the rest? Our God is a JEALOUS God! He HATES our sin because it separates us from Him. Did you hear me?

GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD! HE HATES OUR SIN! IT SEPARATES US FROM HIM! NOTHING ON THIS EARTH CAN BE PUT IN THE PLACE OF GOD! This Truth has been resounding in my heart lately. I want to scream it!

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." -- James 4:17.

We have a choice everyday to choose to walk in sin or walk with the Lord. We know the good we should do, yet we choose the bad. Then we come to the alter every week and pray and ask for forgiveness. We make it all about us. We only see our God as a loving and forgiving God, and then go back out and commit the same sin again when we just asked for forgiveness. I read Matthew 4 tonight about Jesus being tempted in the desert. Jesus made a choice to resist the temptation, and to combat the devil with the Word. We can do the same, we have been given the same power! Yet we deliberately choose to put ourselves in places we know we are going to be tempted, we deliberately choose to commit the same sin we just asked for forgiveness for because our God is only one who loves and forgives. FALSE!! Our God HATES that sin!

Don't we know that if we repent and turn from the sin that God can be glorified? God can use our sin to glorify himself! This doesn't mean that we should keep on sinning so that God can be glorified. If we read Romans 3 it tells us that this is not the case. We should not keep on sinning so God can be glorified, that deserves condemnation. Yet if we truly repent, turn away, and align our hearts with God's desires for us, then He can use this sin to glorify himself. Don't believe me? Look at the life of Paul. He persecuted Christians, yet God used this sin to make him the one who was persecuted for sharing the Gospel. God turned a persecutor into the persecuted and Paul continued to praise God. He used this to speak to so many, and so many believed because of this.

I am not even sure if this is a coherent post, or just a ramble of thoughts. What I do know is that God has put this on my heart, and whether I am used to speak Truth, or someone else is then God's will be done! Father I love You. Thank you for breaking my heart for what break Yours. Thank You for truly showing me what this means. I love You Father. Forgive me for where I fall short of You! Help me to repent and turn away from the sin in my life, and make the conscious effort to choose you and follow You. Please help me to not place myself in the situations where I will be tempted. Be with me Father. Thank You for continuing to remind me that You are a jealous God, but You will never abandon me. Amen.

I Am "JEHOVAH JIREH" God Provider

So this summer after I got back from Cambodia, I found out some exciting news. I had been offered the full time youth pastor position in Abernathy, Texas. I was so excited, ecstatic would be a better word. I never thought that I (a 21 year old, with one more year of college left) would get a full time job being a youth pastor! "I am moving no matter what" were my immediate thoughts. God told me to knock, provided this opportunity, and I am taking it. All my hours transferred except for a couple of classes, but it costs 15-30 thousand to Texas Tech for one year. Well I will be in debt coming out of college, but I don't care because this is what I want to do!

Four days after I got back from Cambodia I went on family vacation to Florida. I literally fought and argued with my parents about taking this job. My parents had my best interest at heart, and every thing they pointed out was Truth that I didn't want to listen to. I can't spend another year in Ruston working at the bank again, when I have an opportunity to do what God has always called me to. I realized late Wednesday night (the night before our 21st birthday) that I had been selfish. I had immediately said I was taking the job and din't consult God at all. Jehovah Jireh, the One who had provided me this opportunity, I hadn't consulted. I had been selfish. Being on the beach I went and walked and with that view I knew that God was Elohim (My Creator). I talked with God like I always do, I prayed and then listened:

Father what do you want me to do?
"It is your choice Chase"
God you gave me this opportunity which path should I walk?
"Chase, I can't always make the decisions for you. Sometimes I call you to things and places, such as youth ministry and Cambodia. Other times I give you the choice. You have to decide."
It would be so much easier if You would just show me Lord.
"I never promised it was easy my Son. Whichever road you take, you will struggle, there will be hardships. I, Jehovah Jireh, will not abandon you."

That night I had a great conversation with my brother Austin. God definitely spoke through him to me, and my choice was clear. I would stay in Ruston another year, live with my brother, graduate in May, and then move. My brother definitely spoke Truth into my life, complimented me on what a great man of God I was, and told me: "Chase, just because you don't take this job doesn't mean that God isn't going to provide you with other opportunities. He will provide even greater opportunities than you or I can imagine." He was right, and lately God has shown me where he wants me next year. For now though I am here in Ruston, going to Louisiana Tech, taking 12 hours every quarter to graduate in May, and working 33 hours a week back at First National Bank.

Being back has definitely been a struggle, and I have had hardships. Lately I have felt abandoned by my community here. I know it is a lie that is constantly fed to me, and one that is really easy for me to believe. God has been definitely knocking down that lie the past week. All I can say is that God definitely provides, and one thing He has provided me is a small group of 10th grade guys to lead. We have been reading through the Bible in Disciple and God's Truth has been showing up so much in my life through that. I just can't wait to see what God has in store. My God definitely provides!

The End and A New Beginning

I can't even begin to describe the joy that came with today. I am going to miss this place. This will probably be my last post before I head out, because I fly out Sunday at eleven p.m. (24 hours from now).

Since I have been here, this place has become home. The first day I was here, we were greeted by a golden retriever named Hannah. Immediately I knew that I was going to feel at home here. This hospitality house has been a huge blessing. Being blessed with three meals a day, a bed to sleep in, air-con, (what everyone calls air conditioning here) and just a family of brothers and sisters, has been amazing. I am really going to miss this family that God has given me here. These relationships that have been formed, will be sorely missed. As I have constantly been reminded though; God takes people in and out of your life for a reason. If it is God's will, I will be here again, and if not I know I will see my brothers and sisters in heaven.

Today started with going to watch the guys indoor soccer game. They were down 7-1 and almost came back. They lost 7-6. Even to see the happiness on their faces after loosing was humbling. Yes, they lost a close game, but they didn't let it ruin their day. I am such a competitive person that a lot of times when I loose it can affect my mood. It was great to see them know that it is just a game, and go and enjoy the rest of their day. After the game we went to get ice cream at Lucky Burger, and then went to hang out at the guys house. I played a little Halo 2 and then took a nap. I swear, I have taken more naps here than I have in the past two years of my life! It was good to rest and relax. We then went and took a boat ride from five-thirty to seven-thirty. It was all of the Asian Hope guys and girls, with Dan and his family, and then our team. It started raining, but that didn't stop us. We all hung out, ate ham and cheese or pb&j sandwiches, and just enjoyed each others company.

I got some time to just sit back and observe everyone. Seeing constant joy, laughter, smiles amongst everyone really made me happy. At the same time I began to become sad. I know that really soon I will be leaving this family of brothers and sisters. These relationships and bonds with my brothers and sisters in Christ that have been formed here are going to be hard to leave. I guess it is a lot sadder leaving here because I knew that I would be coming back to the states and I would see everyone there again. I have no idea if I will ever see these guys or girls again. That is hard to think about. I know that God will never cease to continue moving in each and every one of their lives.

Father, I thank you for this opportunity you have given me. I thank you for constantly showing up and being here through the good and the bad of this trip. I thank you for the strength to endure! I thank you for every brother and sister in Christ you put in my life through Asian Hope, and I pray that you would constantly be with them day in and day out. I have seen you in them every day and I know you will always be with them. I praise you for the amazing things you are going to do in their lives. Give us safe travels Father as we leave and go back home to the States. Thank you again for this opportunity to serve you with the gifts and talents you have given me. Thank you for constantly humbling me and showing me Your will! I love you Father.

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Making the Most

I have a little less than 48 hours left in Cambodia. Although we have such little time left here, it still seems like people are still arguing, disrespecting each other, and just being selfish. Conflict is going to happen, but I am just sick and frustrated with it all!

"My advice is to make the most out of your time left! Put all your energy, even if it is running low, into the people in Cambodia and that will take the focus off the group and all their problems. Let them deal with their own problems and they can be too busy wrapped up in that and miss out on the last few amazing experiences Cambodia has to offer."

Thank you Susanna. Your message was really encouraging, and that was definitely truth that I needed to hear. While yesterday I was focused on people's frustrations with each other and people being selfish I decided to forget it all today. Instead I watched as kids, who literally have almost nothing, smile, laugh, play, and have fun. I watched them forget any worries or troubles and play basketball, soccer, and just run around carefree. I am definitely beginning to respect those who do childrens ministry. Little kids can wear you out! I definitely respect those who have the heart and the calling to do that. It has also further shown me that my calling and passion is youth ministry. While I love little kids and playing and talking with them, it is something I know I couldn't as my job. I struggled trying to tell the kids the story of Noah's Ark today. I laughed at myself as well because most people could just do it, and make it a fun thing for the kids. All I could do was just read it from the Bible. It was very humbling to know that there are things that I am not gifted in and others are, and vice versa.

After we finished with "The Carnival" for the little kids we ate and I went to the LOGOS guys house to hang out. We watched a movie, I got schooled in ping pong by David (who is a lot better than he leads on), and I played some old school Halo 2 with them. It was good just to relax, laugh, joke, and just hang out with the guys. I am really going to miss hanging out with them when I leave. I know that God is definitely in those relationships that were formed. Just getting to know every one of these guys and girls has been amazing. God has taught me so much through them, and to see them constantly happy no matter what is so very humbling. Literally I can't tell you one day where I have seen them mad, or upset, or frustrated. They always have a smile on there face, and are always speaking positively. That is something HUGE to see. I know that there are a lot of little things in my life that I have constantly complained about before, and still do at times. These guys and girls though hardly ever complain, and do everything with a smile on there face. So humbling.

Tonight we went to Dan and Carolyn's house to celebrate Fanny and Tia's birthday. We had signed cards, and Mrs. Carolyn had got a cake made for the both of them. All the guys and girls were there. We all played Dutch Blitz, ping pong, talked, and laughed. It is amazing to see how Dan and Carolyn have become like a mother and father to these kids. There passion is definitely for these Asian Hope boys and girls. After we left there, we went back to Big Mikes to watch USA play Slovenia. Tie 2-2. USA definitely should have won though. It was good to just enjoy my last few days here and have fun watching soccer and hanging out with a few of the guys.

Tomorrow we get to go root on the guys in another indoor soccer game for their tournament. I am going to miss all of the guys and girls, and even though I have 48 hours left here, God is still moving through these relationships with these kids. I praise God for constantly reminding me of my call to youth ministry, and constantly teaching me through youth and others.

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Persecution

I have been in Kampong Thom province since Monday, and just got back around 6 pm today! This province was three hours away from Phnom Penh. These two and a half days there were really a struggle for me. I am just exhausted. Plain and simple. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally I am spent. I need time to relax and reflect on what God has done here and the ways He is working. I know that I really won't get that until I fly back, in four days, on Sunday.

Today what I have on my heart isn't really personally about what I saw while we were in Kampong Thom. What I have on my heart is a verse I read today on the way back. It comes from 2 Timothy.

"This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." --2 Timothy 2:8-11

It was my turn to talk tonight at group meeting. I could tell about where God had shown up today, or ask a question just basically whatever I wanted. I decided to read this scripture and ask the question, "Where have you suffered, or been persecuted for your faith?" Since we have been here, I haven't really felt persecution for my beliefs. Most of the people we interact with on a daily basis know God, and are striving to have a relationship with Him. That is one expectation I had coming here as well. I wanted to do street ministry, I want to take the word to those that are persecuted for sharing it. That expectation just like ever other was shattered.

Now Paul and the apostles were repeatedly beaten, whipped, and persecuted not only physically but with words as well. A lot of times, myself included, limit persecution to being beaten or physically hurt for sharing the news of Christ, but that is narrow minded. We can be persecuted with words as well. Many people persecuted Paul by speaking against him and speaking lies about him to the churches he was writing to. As much as Paul was persecuted, he doesn't tell us to give up! He tells us God's word is not chained. He also tells us that he endures everything so that others may obtain salvation in Christ Jesus. While it is easy for us to get discouraged or say someone is lost and give up on them, that is not what we are called to do! Anytime we speak to the lost, or even believers, (because we even have a hard time being called out) it is going to be hard. We may be persecuted, whether we are beaten with clubs or with words. We may be mocked, laughed at, spit upon, but we are called to endure. It comes back to the basic truth that we have been taught since we were little: "We are all children of God." Therefore we endure persecution so that our brothers and sisters may know the good news, so that they may receive salvation.

Father I pray for my brothers and sisters who are persecuted daily. Father I pray that they would constantly be reminded of your Truth to bless those who persecute us (Romans 12:14). Father I pray you would give them the strength and endurance to persevere in times of struggle or persecution. Father I pray that you would constantly encourage them by your word. There are people all over the world who are suffering for you! Show them how to rejoice in their suffering! Give them strength father, give them endurance. I love you Lord!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Blessed are the Merciful

For the past two weeks we have attended church at LOGOS. It has been amazing, and the pastor there has been speaking on the beatitudes. For those of you who don't know what they are look in Matthew 5:1-12. This pastor is someone I have come to admire and respect just by listening to two of his sermons. The way he preaches is very humble, and you can see the fire and passion he has in his heart for God. He cares so much about his congregation as well! Today he spoke on Matthew 5:7: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." It was really good to hear him expand on this. Although these beatitudes are simple things, there is more to them than just the words. There is context, and there are other Scriptures to back it up.

What is mercy? Anything good that comes to us from God is mercy, and every human being on this planet is a recipient of God's mercy! "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." --Romans 6:23 We all sin, so every breath we take, and every moment we live is mercy given to us by God! Mercy is not justice! Mercy, unlike justice, can never be deserved or earned. The merciful will be shown mercy. Jesus wasn't explaining how to receive mercy, but He was speaking of those who were already merciful.

In Matthew 18:21-35 we have the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. This servant owed his master ten thousand talents. It is said that Rome taxed a small city 600 talents. So you can only imagine how much money it was, millions of dollars. This servant was shown mercy, yet he did not show mercy to another servant that owed him only a hundred denarii. This was nothing compared to what he owed, yet he sent the other servant to prison. Just because you receive mercy does not mean you are merciful! In Matthew 18:32-35 it tells us:

Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

Verse 35 literally shook me to the core when I heard it. It scared me. I thought about the times I haven't truly forgiven those who have wronged me. I may have said I have forgiven them, but truly I didn't. It is not enough to do merciful things though. These beatitudes are not just a checklist, but we should make them apart of who we are in Christ!

GOD HAS BLESSED US WITH EVERY ONE OF OUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS! IF WE ARE NOT GROWING IN MERCY, WE HAVE FAILED, NOT GOD! These messages are so simple, yet so deep and something that we forget about every day! It is so humbling to be reminded of these things. God is alive! Father I praise you for your wonderful servant, and thank you for the words You spoke through him. They were definitely Your words, and not his. I praise you for the Truth that you spoke and continue to speak through him. Thank you for showing up and speaking to me. Thank you for challenging me in this! Continue to challenge us everyday!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin