Pushing Through: My God is Surely Alive!

DUMP SITE IN PHNOM PEHN:


We woke up today and went to a church service! We are working with Clara (who is like the Mother Theresa of Cambodia). She set up a school at the dump site in Phnom Penh, and she also help set up and orphanage for the kids from the dump site. Today as a whole was definitely kind of a push. I needed a day where I had to physically, mentally, and emotionally push through. These past few days God has been showing up, talking, showing me Scripture, and moving in my life. It's not that He doesn't do that daily, its just today it wasn't as present. It was very humbling because I got to see God in the people of Cambodia. It was a challenge to not hear God as clearly today as I have been these past 8 days, It was a challenge, but it was something I definitely needed.

The church service was tough. As I sat there, at the beginning I started worshipping, which is a HUGE way I connect with God! I couldn't get into the worship, and that voice of God "Watch my people worship me, came back." Today was definitely all about watching God's people. It wasn't what can I get out of today, but God where are You moving today, what are You doing today. What are these kids and the rest of my team members experiencing from You today? That what today was. We came back, went to the Russian market. I just want to let you know: Cassie, Matt, Ashley, Austin, and Mom, I got something for all of you! Look forward to it! Dad yours is on the way. I want it to be a little clever and I haven't found exactly the right thing yet, but I promise I will!

After the Russian market, we changed and went to the dump site. Thousands of people live in this dump site, and sift through trash daily to make money. Miles, and miles, and miles, of trash. Acres! These kids do the same thing. Why can't they just leave? They have nowhere to go, this is their living! So I had to help the kids make a cross and glues broken pieces of stone into the cross. Then they had to write Jesus loves me on the inside, in English and Kumar (pronounced Ku-mai). 4 groups of kids, 20-25 kids in each group, 15 minutes with each group.

Ahh God, I want to spend all day with these kids, I am tired of being rushed.
"Chase, the amount of time doesn't matter. Your physical presence here matters"
But I could bring so much more if I got more time with them.
"What you bring to them is what I have blessed you with! You have no idea what I am doing! Trust me!"
Okay.

These kids constantly smiled, constantly. I taught some of them handshakes, and then gave one kid my bandanna. It was tied around my wrist (thanks Zack Pittman for showing me that trick). He pointed it out and I asked him if he wanted it. Of course, and who was I to deny him? I tied it around his wrist just like I had it, and his face was so joyous! Smiles go a long way! Then we went to the orphanage. We only got about an hour there as well, but the minute we showed up the kids FLOCKED to us! All of them crawled and climbed on us, shook our hands, and took pictures with us! Immediately I saw an 8 year old playing on some jimbay style drums. He was never off beat, and was a phenomenal drummer for an 8 year old. Not only could he play those drums, but he could play the rest of the instruments there just like every other kid. They all could dance as well. I got an opportunity to show him how to twirl the drum stick around his finger like I do with pens, forks, knives, ect... He caught on so quick! Within 5 minutes he had everything down but catching it after the rotation. "Keep practicing" I told him. We then got a chance to dance with them! As I left I told this kid bye and gave him a five. As I was walking out I felt a tug on my shorts. My little drummer was back. I picked him up and gave him a huge hug! Then we took a picture together. "Thank you" he said! Then he smiled real big, and left.

This one interaction reminded me of my purpose here. Yes we are all going to grow from this experience, and continue to grow once we get back. But this trip isn't just about my personal growth. This trip is about God, and teaching Him and being taught by these kids of Cambodia. So far they have taught me much more than I could ever teach them. It is funny how that works out isn't it? God is so big! The only words I can seem to speak after today is. Thank you! Thank you God!

"My God is not dead, He is surely alive, and He's living on the inside roaring like a lion!" -- David Crowder Band

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

I Feel Like Timothy

MONUMENT FILLED WITH BONES FROM THE KILLING FIELD




I finally got to wake up without an alarm today! Guess what? No pain at all in my body! Praise God! We ate breakfast and then drove the 4 hours back to Phnom Phen. The drive was great! I started off opening may 2nd letter from Will! So encouraging! Will your letters are something I definitely look forward to. I have only read the first two, but I re-read them over and over again because they constantly encourage me. In this letter Will encouraged me to read 1 and 2 Timothy and also Titus. Well guess what? I have already been diving into 2 Timothy! I decided to read 1 Timothy all the way through. So for the first part of the bus ride that is what I did. It was so encouraging! Everything, and I mean everything Paul was saying to Timothy, was exactly what I needed to hear! It is like Paul was writing this letter directly to me! I am Timothy :) Thank you GOD for speaking this through Will, and showing me this. The rest of the drive was full of joking and laughter and talking.

I have really begun to connect with Susanna (a girl from the South Louisiana team) and we are very similar in a lot of ways! We connect very well, and it is very encouraging to have that. I swear though, the amount of useless information we both have in our heads is ridiculous. We could be geniuses if we actually replaced it with information that mattered. It is definitely cool to see the ways that she experiences God daily. By no means do I know all about her, but I do know a lot from what I have observed and been told by her. It is just encouraging to have someone that is similar to you. I have really begun to connect with the rest of that team as well! They are all becoming like family to me, and it is going to be sad to see them leave us Tuesday.

We got back to Phnom Phen and we went to The Killing Fields! For those of you who don't know the history of Cambodia let me explain a little. Before the Genocide from 1975-79, Cambodia was way ahead of many countries in technology and a lot of other things as well. But in 1975 the Kahmer Rouge invaded Cambodia and took over. They basically arrested and killed lawyers, scholars, monks, teachers, their families, and basically everyone but farmers. They knew if they only had farmers and poor that the country would be much easier to control and it would have to depend on them. During this time they killed close to 3 million people. There are many Killing Fields all over Cambodia, but this is one of the main ones. The things that happened here were so gruesome and overwhelming that I can't even begin to describe them. I encourage that you research this topic and find out what happened. Not because I don't want to describe it all to you, just that I don't know how and there is SO MUCH! I was so overwhelmed by this, and the thing is there are genocides in Africa right now, these things are still going on around the world. This Genocide sat Cambodia back so much as a country and they are still recovering from it. What I do know, and what God taught me from this is these people are constantly happy. They are happy to just be alive! A lot of times we take just being alive for granted. We also forget that the way we act towards people have a huge affect on them. We can be so cruel! We must remember our daily interactions with people, and the way we act towards them, speak to them, and treat them. And a smile can really go a long way! Trust me, being here I know!! A smile makes their day, and definitely makes mine.

Afterwards I came back to the room and had a facebook message from my sister. My sister is such a wonderful daughter of Christ! Ashley I want to tell you a lot of times I think you doubt that you can experience the things I do, or that your relationship with God is not as strong as mine is. FALSE! You are such a beautiful, amazing, wonderful daughter of GOD! You have spoke so much encouragement to me! That message literally made me weep (good tears though, happy tears!) That definitely comes from God, trust me. Those are not your words in that message, but those are God's words. Especially when I talked to you about being nervous about my job opportunity. You knew exactly the right words to say to encourage me, and you reminded me that whether or not I got the job, God has a plan for my life! That was God speaking through you to me. I praise you for being strong. You have had many struggles, and I have seen you overcome so much! Trust me, we are not going to experience God the exact same way, everyone's relationship with God is different. You can experience God in mighty ways though, and I have seen you do it! Just remember to be open to it, and dive into the God's Word (the Bible) daily! It helps so much, and opens up so many doors! I love you so much Ashley! I praise God for you every day! You mean the world to me, and I don't know what I would do without you! Don't doubt that you can experience God! You are a wonderful, beautiful, AMAZING daughter of Christ.

I also got to skype with Stephanie Guthrie tonight! She is the first person I have video chatted since I have been here. It was good to see a face from home, and hear from part of my Lubbock family! Stephanie I want to remind you that you are a beautiful daughter of Christ as well! Your worth is in Him, and He loves you! Whatever you do this summer in Midland, know that God has a plan for you! Seek out why He has you there, and stay encouraged in that! I miss you, and send everyone my love!

As for tonight I am going to leave with this Scripture from Timothy:

"Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 16Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." -- 1 Timothy 4:11-16

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Chase = Fire Inside

Today was our last day at the youth camp. Today was a huge struggle for me. From the moment I woke up my body ached. From the top of my legs all the way down I had shooting pains. As the day went on it became more than just my legs, but it was my arms, my back, and my head. We gave our last two purity talks today. After the first one my entire body was just exhausted, and it got to the point where I didn't think I was going to be able to do the second talk. The talks themselves are spiritually and emotionally exhausting, and then that multiplied with physical pain just made it worse. Then John (one of our many awesome Cambodian translators) and I had a talk. I told him about my job opportunity in Abernathy, and he told me "God is going to do great things in your life! He has a plan for you!" He then went on to explain how he didn't want to leave his old job because he loved it so much. But God brought him here to be a translator. Then a year later, the other missionary he was with at his old job went home. So if John would have stayed with him, he would be out of a job right now. "I know that God has a plan for me. And it was shown to me right there." Thank you John! We continued to talk about how God's plans and timing are different from ours. My body still hurt. So I went back inside to give my second talk. As Kevin started talking, I just began praying.

"Father I pray that these words Kevin and I speak are not our words, but Yours! I pray that You would give us the clarity and understanding to talk and answer these kids questions. Father my body is physically hurting right now. Help me Father. Remove this pain. Give me the strength to speak Your Truth to these kids. I can't do this by my own strength, I am weak, HELP ME! I began to talk and all pain left me. I focused on these kids, and thanked them. I told them I thought I was going to come here and teach them about God, but they were the ones who taught me! Their fire and passion for God was something that I rarely see. He definitely gave me the strength to finish the second talk. As the day continued I felt better. We went to the market, and then we went swimming for about two hours. The conversations, and the two teams being together was so awesome. Everyone from our team and the South Louisiana team just feel like family to me. Also a missionary from the United States with the GBGM has been with us here at this camp. Listening to him talk and speak is so refreshing. God is definitely moving in his life. He has been in Cambodia for 8 months, has 8 more months here, and then is stationed back in the U.S. for 16 months. After swimming I went and got a shower and changed. Right when I got done the pain hit again. We went to dinner and I wasn't even hungry. I didn't eat. I couldn't eat. All I could think about was getting up and leaving the table and going to lay down. I didn't though. I am stubborn and refuse to let the pain of my body stop me from interacting with these kids at worship.

As worship started, I began to read the Bible. God's Word is definitely the bread of life. I began to look up passages on strength. Every verse constantly reminded me that we can do nothing through our own strength. Through God we are constantly strengthened, and it definitely isn't on our own accord. "The weakness of God is stronger than man's strength" -- 1 Corinthians 1:25 This is one verse that I read, and this is when it really hit me. God is bigger than this physical pain. Throughout the rest of the service the pain left me! Even now I do not feel it! Worship was phenomenal! After we were done taking communion, the kids stood up and told where they had seen God this week in the camp. Over and over again God constantly showed up in these kids life. If we had time, I believe all of them would have shared. Then Rebecca and I went up front and told where we had seen God. Rebecca told them how much she had seen God in them, and how much they had taught her about God. She praised them for the fire they had, and how she could take that back home to the U.S. It then came my turn. I told them my name was Chase, and when it was translated the kids started clapping, and laughing. Not a condescending laugh, but a laughter of praise. I just reiterated what Rebecca said, and God had shattered my expectations. That I thought I was going to teach them about God and they taught me! (Cheering and clapping) I told them that I had been to many youth camps in the U.S., and I rarely see the fire and passion they have for God! Then I thanked them again for constantly humbling me. As we went back to sit down I asked John why they laughed at my name. Now John has nicknamed everyone by wrestler names. Josh Riggs is the Undertaker, Josh Yates is the Big Show, I am Triple H, and John is Ray Mysterio. So I asked John:

Why did they laugh? You referred to me as Triple H didn't you? You did!
"No, no I promise I didn't!"
Why did they laugh?
"They laughed at your name. Chase means a fire. A fire inside that is constantly roaring!"
Wow, how encouraging!

I am definitely going to miss these kids. I am going to miss their fire and passion, and it is going to be sad to see them go. I do know that God has a lot more in store for me and my entire team though! I can't wait to see what that is. I do know that David and I are growing closer and closer every day. God is revealing a lot to me about David. I can't wait to see what God has in store for him these next 3 weeks to come. For now though, I am exhausted, and I need rest. Thank You Father! Every day is a blessing from You!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Encouragement

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction."-- 2 Timothy 4:2

I am still overwhelmed from today. There is so much to tell. I am going to start with our talks. Kevin and I gave our purity talks again today. Oh how God continues to break down that language barrier. In the first group we spoke to, the kids were very receptive and asked so many questions! Way more questions than had been asked so far. It was really good to see God use Kevin and myself to speak to these kids. Although we don't know all the answers, it was definitely Gods words being spoke through us. Then the second group of about fifteen youth boys, which was probably the smallest group we have had so far, didn't really ask questions. One kid did speak up though, and what he said was so encouraging! As I mentioned yesterday we don't know how big of a deal lust, sex, and purity is in their culture. According to this boy this is something all of them struggle with. "I don't have any questions, but I do want to thank you. I want to thank you for speaking to us on this subject. Us as teenagers and in our culture this is something we constantly struggle with and are tempted with. Thank you so much for sharing, and helping us to understand how to combat that." ENCOURAGED! After our talks I went and sat in on the last thirty minutes of Krystle Matthews (our other wonderful team leader) and Laura Sandifers talk. As I was listening I heard:

"Encourage, look it up."
Okay God. 2 Timothy 4:2
"Read it."
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction.
Okay God, so encourage my brothers and sisters. Encourage my team members. I know that.
"You think you know, but I am going to show you."

I went and encouraged Krystle and Laura after their talk, and told them how good of a job they did. God was definitely pouring Truth into them, and they were speaking it. Then lunch, and after lunch I was like okay I am going to spend quiet time before afternoon worship. Nope, wrong again. I met Jack outside the worship center and we talked for about 30 minutes. I told him that I wanted to do youth ministry and mission work and how this was my first mission opportunity. Constant encouragement and reassurement. I don't know what it is about Jack, but he has a way of speaking and communicating that is just so captivating. "I told you I was going to show you."

Some things went on today with our team. Their was frustration among the whole team with David. He wasn't really showing up to things, and therefore wasn't following the covenant that we all signed. Our two leaders Kevin and Krystle have so much love for him. The way they love him is exactly like the unconditional love that God shows us. They have so much patience with them. I began to get frustrated because they talked with him today for about 4 hours and none on our team knew at all what was going on. I was so frustrated.

God, we are a team. We should all be sharing with each other. We should all know!
"Do not be angry. Be patient. Things happen in my time."
Okay, but I am going to spend quiet time by myself then. Wrong again.
"Go knock on Laura, Rebecca, and Hailey's door."

"We are about to read Scripture and then pray for David and our team. Would you like to join us." YES! So we read the Word as we were lead. 2 Timothy 4:2 came up again. "I am going to show you!" We then all prayed aloud one after the other. Then we proceeded to go to Josh Riggs and Josh Yates room. All six of us hung out as a family and joked for an hour. Since this trip has started we haven't had any time to meet as a team at all. We haven't been able to spend time with each other and encourage each other. Or just laugh and enjoy each others company. Today we got to do that. Then it was time to meet all 10 of us as a team. One hour from 5-6. We were then told everything that was going on. Our frustrations were spoken and wounds were healed. This one member opened and shared, and God is defintely changing him. There is a lot going on in his life, but God is moving in him! Finally I read 2 Timothy 4:2 aloud to the whole team. "Chase, I love how you always have the perfect verse at the perfect time." -- David. "You think you know, but I am going to show you!"

We all had the opportunity to talk and encourage each other. And then because we were late to dinner we all got to sit as a team and laugh and be a family! At the table we joked, laughed, encouraged, and just enjoyed each others company! God is so big. My expecatations are constantly being broken down! God is so powerful, and He continues to show up in ways that we think can't happen. Okay God, if You do this that would be awesome. Boom, done! Okay, now if you could do that, it would be great as well. Boom done! No prayer is too big, no prayer is too small. I love you Father!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Lost In Translation

We were awakened at 5:20 am to "Furelise" by Beethoven played through a megaphone. At 5:30 we met with the group from South Louisiana and prayed. It was good to share concerns and joys and then pray for them in a language that we could understand. Then it was time to exercise. "Exercise? It is six in the morning I really don't want to go run and exercise." Once again my expectations were shattered. Their form of exercise is dancing! Josh Riggs and I definitely enjoyed the dancing. We actually got in front of the entire 200+ youth kids with the Cambodian pastor, and one of the youth kids and danced! The one Cambodian youth kid leading the dances can break it down! It was so fun just to dance. Some dances were easier to catch on than others, but they were all fun. After dancing, another filling meal. Breakfast of eggs and french fries with coffee. It hit me again this morning at breakfast. We all sat down first, were served first, and had almost finished eating before the kids even entered the cafeteria. We were literally waited on hand and foot, and whatever we needed we got. Although our team was content with whatever we had, Jack asked for toast, and jam and some other things. All this while they are trying to prepare for the 200 kids that are about to fill the cafeteria. Why can't I serve these kids their food. This is a camp for the youth. These kids do come first. I want to serve them.

"Be patient Chase."
Okay God, but this is almost too far. It seems like we are celebrities.
"You don't have that mentality do you?"
No, but it feels like they do!
"You don't control them, and do not deny the Christ in them! Be patient!"

Humbled. After breakfast Kevin, and I spoke on purity to two different groups of about twenty boys. Each time was an hour and fifteen minutes. The first time was a little rough. I mean these talks take full trust in God. We are speaking words and then they are being translated into a language we can't even understand. We have no clue how it is being translated. Also we have no clue on where these kids stand on this issue. Have they had sex? Are they abstinent? Is this something they really struggle with? Is this something that is a subject that is even discussed in their culture? One thing I prayed for this morning is that God is bigger than that language barrier and that He would constantly break that down. God is bigger than heat, than us being tired, than a language barrier. The second talk we started out telling them our experiences. It was kind of tough to tell a room full of kids who barely speak my language, that I have struggled with lust and pornography, and even harder to tell them I have had sex. I don't know how this affected them, and they really didn't question us about it at all. I do know though that 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "For My power is made perfect in weakness." I know by showing these kids my struggles and faults God is going to move through that, but even more God is going to be glorified in my sharing of my forgiveness and redemption!

Then lunch time came, and we got to spread out amongst the youth! We were served just like they were and we got to sit and talk with them. Talking was kind of hard because the two kids beside me couldn't speak English as well as some of the other kids I could interact with. God broke that down though. I got to serve food to the girl to my right and the boy to my left, and they even served me. It was so humbling. I then began to ask them their age. Both were eighteen years old. They looked way younger, but that is how everyone here is. I then began to ask both of them what the names of the food in their language. They would then ask me what I called it. The only one I remember is Baii (not sure of the spelling) which is rice. Then at dinner it was even better. Kevin, Riggs, and I sat at a table with all guys. They taught us the words for certain foods and we taught them in English. They were all joyful, and would help each other out if one didn't know how to say a word. "Be patient." I then had the opportunity to share Galatians 1:10 (one of my favorite verses) with one of the Cambodian youth leaders. He was talking about how some people say He can't play guitar very well, but He knows that what talent God has given him, he uses. Whatever it is, how little or big, he is going to use it for the glory of God! "Be patient." At worship tonight they sang worship songs in Kumai (their language) that were familiar to us and we sang along in English. We worshipped with these kids and their fire for Jesus is so great! The fact that I watched how they worshipped last night gave me the opportunity to better appreciate and see how much these people have an all consuming fire for God! "Be patient." Oh how He constantly teaches and humbles me! Barriers are constantly being broken down daily not only between us and the Cambodian youth, but between our team as well! How great is our God!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Sidelined

Sidelined. It is not a word I like to hear. We woke up and had an amazing breakfast. I had french toast. We then proceeded to have a 4 hour drive to Sahoksville (the city by the sea). The first thing I thought when we arrived was this is too much. Our hotel where we are staying for the next 4 nights, and the youth conference is being held, is nice for this part of the country. We are by no means "roughing it." We have air conditioning in our rooms, a TV, and all have our own bed. When we sat down to eat lunch, we were served broiled shrimp, rice, and meat for our rice. We definitely won't be going hungry. I was almost frustrated and started to become upset. It almost seems like we are living in luxury. God, why? This isn't what I pictured at all. We are supposed to be serving these people, we are supposed to be out of our comfort zone. Why are we not? Then the answer came through scripture spoken aloud by Kevin. Paul says "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." -- Philippians 4:11-12. Being here is a blessing of God! Whether air conditioned or not, we are here because God placed us here. We must be content with what He has given us! What I do know is that He has given us a little over 200 Cambodian youth to interact with.

After lunch, we went to the beach. Watching these kids (most of whom have never seen a beach or ocean in their life) interact with each other and with us was amazing, to say the least. From the moment I stepped onto that beach, I could not stop smiling. None of them were afraid of the water at all. None of them were shy either. They came and talked with us, threw frisbee with us, asked us our names and age, and even taught us some of their language. I can't even remember how to say hello and I have been told at least ten times. By far my favorite part of this beach journey was getting to interact with a 1-2 year old child. I did not know his name, but he showed no fear of the water at all! This kid brought so much joy into my heart. At first he had on just a t-shirt and his mom took him for what we thought was to leave. We were mistaken when he showed back up completely naked, covered in sand, and started playing in the water again. I got a few pictures of him (which I will post sometime during the trip) and he would always pose the same way every time. The constant joy on this kids face humbled me so much.

As we got back to the hotel, we got showered up and went to dinner. Another meal of rice, and three different platters with, beef, pork, or shrimp to put on the rice. Well mom and dad, you don't have to worry about me loosing weight for at least the first week. Then we met as a group and prayed with the 4 others from south Louisiana that we are here with. After that we proceeded to worship. My first thoughts were: "Yes, worship! I get to worship with these youth kids, and we are going to get to praise God together!" Wrong.

"You are going to sit out tonight"
Sidelined. Okay God, so what do I do?
"Watch my people worship me."

And watch I did. I have never seen so much passion!! These people are on FIRE for God! Although I could understand none of it, I could feel the Spirit moving in every single one of them. They were all praying, shouting, singing, dancing. It was a beautiful sight to see! "Get used to it. This is how they worship every time" is what Jack Odell told us. Jack is the leader of the group from south Louisiana. This is his third of fourth trip to Cambodia. So, as for what God has in store for these next few days, I can't wait to find out. Whatever it is I know that I must learn to be content whatever the circumstances. I send my love to all. My family, friends, everyone back home. You are sorely missed, and I am thinking about all of you! Continue to keep us in your prayers.

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

God's Beautiful People:

Journal Entry: May 23rd/24th

Fly 3 hours. Get off in San Fran. Get in line. Leave line. Go get boarding passes. Get back in line. Go through customs. Board flight. Wait 45 minutes. Take off. Fly for 12 hours. Currently I am on the plane with five and a half hours left. While the rest of my group are all sitting in the general vicinity of each other, I am closer to the front of the plane by myself. Yes I can get up and go talk with them, but for the most part I am away from my team for the time being. It is a people watchers paradise, so to speak. Matt Martinez and Kurtis Vanderpool, I really wish you were here with me right now. The flight is literally 90-95 % Asian. It is fascinating. These people are so beautiful, especially the children. Not one looks the same. Everything about them is fascinating, and the fact that all the stewardess' are bilingual is amazing! Within the first minute of sitting down I started observing people, watching their behaviors and reactions. Then I started to think: "How many of these people believe in God? If they do believe, how many practice or live out their faith?" My heart began to yearn for these people. I really wish I could sit down and share my faith with all of them.

I have a Middle Eastern man two seats down, and an Asian girl around about my age sitting next to me. I haven't really caught either one of their names. I had a chance to share with the man, at the beginning of the flight, where I was heading and why? He seemed really intrigued and interested as I shared what we were doing. He asked all about what we were doing in Cambodia, the organization I was going with, and you should of seen his reaction when I told him we raised $24,000 in a week and a half. He doesn't eat meat either. Which makes me wonder: "Is he a vegetarian, or does it have to do with his religion?" The observant person I am noticed that the girl next to me had a Fight Club DVD in her computer. "Fight Club?" I asked. "Yes, it is my favorite movie!" she replied. Well that is one thing in common! Other than that, she doesn't eat the meals on the flights because it makes her nauseous, and she has literally mastered the art of sleeping on an air plane! It is 10:33 p.m. Louisiana time and I haven't slept a wink. I should ask her for lessons. I think she flies a lot. Either that, or she has done this 12 hour trek a few times. Whatever it is, I am kind of envious of her ability to literally just fall asleep. That is most of these people actually. Within the first five minutes of boarding the flight, I could count at least ten people that had fallen asleep. How do they do it? I think its just my terrible sleeping habits.

Anyways, I have written the question, on my hand, "Where have you met God today?" I definitely have seen Him in His children. In all of these people. I have also had a mini worship session with the last 50% of my computer's steadily dying battery. It has been good just listening to worship music and actually listening to the words instead of just singing them. A lot of times I sing the words, but never really rest my mind on what the words mean, or what the song is saying. Here though, when I don't really have the opportunity to sing aloud, (without looking like a crazy person) so I have been able to listen. It has been great! "Love of God, overflow, permeate all my soul! Fill me up God!" These are lyrics from Fill Me Up by United Pursuit Band. It is actually what I have playing right now. This is my cry everyday! I am going to constantly need to be filled for the 27 days in Cambodia! "Open up your heart and let Me in; I am aching with LOVE for you. Open up your heart and let Me in; I am longing for you!" This is from their song Let Me In. This song is like God calling to us, and telling us to open our hearts. Some other parts of this song say: "Look My way, look My way, My love." and "It's going to be wild, it's going to be great, it's going to be full of ME!" This fills me with so much joy! God is constantly calling us to open our hearts and let Him in! I want my heart to constantly be open, I want Him to constantly step in! I know I don't even have to say it, He is already there. That literally sums up what these 27 days in Cambodia are going to look like! It is going to be full of Him! I can not wait to see what He has in store for me, my team, and these people of Cambodia that we interact with daily! As for now, I am going to try and get some sleep. Doubtful, but it doesn't hurt to try. I am going to leave you with this last lyric, because music seems to be the theme of this post. "It's wrong to say our hearts won't change as long as YOU are here!" That is so true! It is wrong to say that none of these people's hearts won't change, that I can not change and become more loving of people in general. Believers, non- believers, white, black, hispanic, asian, children, adults, EVERYONE! We are all subject, and should be open to change. With God present, it is going to happen. We just all need to have an open heart to it!

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

Goodbyes

Goodbyes can be hard. I am not sure if the realization that I am hardly going to have any contact with family or friends has actually hit yet. I know that I miss my family and friends. I feel it, but I am by no means distraught at all. "If God didn't want us to go to Cambodia, then we would not be going. There have been plenty of obstacles in our way, yet God has continuously provided. I know that He will continue to provide." These word words spoken to my parents by Kevin our team leader. There is so much wisdom in Kevin, and I can't wait to share this next month with him.

I got to spend a lot of good quality time with my brother today. He has been a huge influence in my life, and I don't know if I say it enough, but Austin I love you. Thank you for always being there for me, especially when I needed you the most. I thank God every day for my family. Family, and the importance / closeness of family has constantly been stressed in my life. God has blessed me with the most loving, caring, generous family I could ever ask for. It is going to be hard not seeing or hearing from them every day. What I do know is God will take care of me. Yes I will miss my family but God is bigger than that, and He will comfort me in that. It is finally happening! I fly out tomorrow! I am going to end with the quote at the bottom of my journal because it is so encouraging, especially since I am about to go do mission work.

"Everything that Jesus came to do for us He can now do in us, because He lives!"

And lives He does! Father, I have been patiently waiting for 4 years. You called me and I have persevered. I have struggled, stumbled, gotten up, ran away, and come back, but You have never left my side! I praise You for that! I praise You for this call, for the opportunity to go on this mission, and the doors that You have open and shut to allow us all to go and do Your work. Be with us as we travel tomorrow and keep us safe. Than You for blessing each and every one of us. Give us perseverance and help us to ENDURE! I love You Father.

--Discerning the Call
Chase Fallin

The Start:

It is amazing what God can do with 30 minutes.

May 21st, 2010: Journal Entry:

I am leaving the country in 36 hours! This is going to be my daily quiet time with God. Today I have been really attacked by the enemy. Satan has taken the smallest, petty, worldly things and made them seem HUGE in my life. Things like arguments over nothing, being short money in my bank account, anger, and feeling left out by those closest to me.....just to name a few. The TRUTH that I constantly have to remind myself of, and that God has continuously been showing me these past few days comes from James 1:1-2, 12:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." -- The Word

I have had thoughts of inadequacy today, even thoughts of backing out of this mission trip. They have ALL been lies. "So how did you meet God today?" This question was posed to me by my great friend Melanie McClintic. God has really used our friendship these past few days to speak Truth and words of encouragement into each others lives! I love how He moves! This daily quiet time is going to be essential for this trip. The quote at the bottom of my journal sums it up perfectly:

"The most beautiful time of the day is the quiet time we spend resting in Jesus' love."

"When I am home, if I am having a bad day or am upset, I can just run to Sonic for Happy Hour with friends, call my family, or just go home and curl up and watch a movie. When you are in another country you don't have these luxuries. You are going to have to have Your daily quiet time with God!".......I LOVE you Haley Hurst, thank you!

As I finish this I am going to be still and quiet and listen for You now. Lord help me to let go, and let God. You are going to work miracles, and do great things in me and my team. Give me the strength to persevere! I love You Lord!

-- Discerning the Call
Chase Tanner

Routine

It has been a while since I last posted (10 days to be exact) and I was thinking to myself why I didn't have the motivation to blog? I mean so many things have been going on in my life the past two weeks. I think the main reason is that I had made this routine. This was supposed to be my quiet time with God to reflect on what He has constantly done in my life. Yet lately it seemed like I was typing this to see who would comment on it, or if anyone would comment at all.

"I don't know what to write, and I don't want to write just to do it. I don't want this to just become routine." -- Matt Martinez

Gosh I love our conversations. I don't necessarily think that each time I post there is going to be some wonderful magnificent miracle that has happened in my life. When I do post though, I want it to be my quiet time with God. Lately I have been constantly trying to stay in a prayerful state of mind. I want to treat each situation like that, and have every word I speak aloud, or to someone else to be in that prayerful state. It is a hard thing to do. As good as praying every night is, it can also become routine. I have started to constantly strive to have a prayerful state of mind all the time. No that doesn't necessarily mean I am praying 24/7, but what it does mean is that when concerns are lifted up, if I am about to go into a meeting, have surgery, or if I am just sitting down one-on-one with someone, I treat that with a prayerful state of mind. I may pray during, before or after. I don't just pray about it then and forget about it, but with an entire community full of people it is hard sometimes to remember everyones requests, or praises.

It is not about always praying either. Sometimes its just listening for God. We are constantly moving, talking, going, but when do we take time just to listen? Yes prayer is good, but if you are constantly talking, you are never going to hear God. I am really trying to discern God's plan for my life right now, and yes I am in constant prayer about it, but its the times when I sit back and listen to God is when I discern the most.

I had a job interview this past weekend for a church in Abernathy, TX. If many of you don't know it is a little town about 20 minutes outside of Lubbock, TX. I interviewed for the full time youth pastor position. I know God opened this door for me and gave me the opportunity to do this. It was a great experience for me and the interview went phenomenally. I don't want to get into all the details, but if you want to know just call and ask me. What I do want to share though is my conversation I had with God at Midnight Worship in Lubbock the night before my interview. I knew that I needed to be still and quiet and listen to God, so I prayed for about 3-5 minutes and then just knelt down in the back and listened.

This conversation isn't out loud. I hear God through the constant thoughts going into my head. I don't know how to explain it other than that. I think something and I hear a reply through another thought. God communicates with people differently, and this is just the way His Spirit communicates with the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of me:

Father is this job something you want for my life?
"You have been knocking haven't you?"
Yes, Father I have, but....
"Good. Keep knocking."
But am I going to get this job?
"I am not going to reveal that to you now."
Why?
"Be patient my Son, my timing is not yours. Remember that and be patient!"
It is so hard though.
"My child, have I not taught you patience? You have been called to missions and youth ministry for 4 years! I will reveal this to you in my timing. Just keep knocking."
I burst into uncontrollable laughter.

I am a child. An impatient child. An infant at times. I can't limit God. I had a good talk with Becky Clark (the assistant director of the Wesley). She challenged me to listen to God and to discern what He wants. She also challenged me to think about juggling school and a full time ministry position because it is something she has done. "When you are doing school work you feel guilty because you want to constantly be involved in this ministry. On the other hand when you are doing your ministry, you know you have your obligation to school and that you have to get that done." She also told me: "Remember John 15? God may have opened this door for you to remind you of your call. You need to discern what God wants." CHALLENGED!

So now it is time to listen. TIme to discern. 4 days until Cambodia!

-- Discerning the Call

Chase Tanner

Poem: 2 Corinthians 12:9

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -- 2 Corinthians 12:9

I can't really express what I feel in anything but a poem. I feel like anything else would be rambling.

Now that these days are flying by
There are a lot of things I have begun to realize.
I am selfish
In every sense of the word
I feel like a bird, whose wings are clipped
I want to fly, but I am CALLED to be stripped
I want so many things, that I think are good
But the thing is, Is it what I should
Do?
Because what I should do
Is TRUST in YOU
Trust that Your plans are bigger than mine
Bigger than me or these rhymes
So, take control
And I will unwillingly relinquish it to YOU
And do what YOU have called me to
What You have now called me to
Is a mission that will glorify YOU
It's been 4 years I have patiently waited
And through many fears and failures
I have waded
But now I am beginning to understand
Your plan is not my plan
That You uphold me with Your Righteous Right Hand.
And I will never understand
The love that You pour out unconditionally
All I know is that it sets me free
Free from the bondage of eternity
In damnation
So thank Father for loving me
When all I could see
Was me.

-- Your Son

Excitement

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -- Psalm 34:18

Today was honestly a really good day. I think the highlight of my day was singing all of the "Silly Songs With Larry" from Veggie Tales with Krystle Mathews, while we washed dishes after Laid Back Lunch. Krystle is an intern at the Wesley, and one of my team leaders, along with Kevin Singletary, for Cambodia! I literally have a week left of work at the bank. I will be leaving again for the third time, and I am 100 % positive I am not coming back this time. I praise God for giving me the opportunity. Although I was frustrated many times with people or the job itself, I know God's provision was definitely in that!

I leave to go to Cambodia in 2 weeks and 3 days! WHAT!?!?! Wait, seriously. Wow when did it get this close? I honestly can't contain my excitement. Team Cambodia still has close to 16,000 total to raise though! Do I believe God will provide? Is that even a question? My God is bigger than that. I can't believe it has been 5 months since I signed up for a mission trip. 5 months since I thought I was going to China. Hey God can I go to China? "Nope. Not right now. I have another plan for you, MY plan, CAMBODIA!" He practically yelled it at me. Since then I haven't looked back. Wow it has been a journey, and I want to say a long one, but the trip hasn't even begun.

This year though, has definitely been a journey. Tonight in our Wesley small group, we had the opportunity to write, draw, scribble, ect... to show where God has brought us from the beginning of the year. Honestly I wish I could explain it all, but God has radically changed my life, and is continuing to! While this school year has taught me many things, I can't wait to see all of the things He has in store for me this summer and next school year as well.

"But for now. Sleep. And let the fabrics of the world be at your fingertips in your dreams." -- Matt Martinez

Trust

It has been 6 days since my last post.

I am hurting. Honestly every part of my body is begging me to go back to the depressive state that I was in at the beginning of this year. It hurts knowing that something that was good has to be removed from my life. It hurts when every part of me knows that what I had glorified God. To add on to it, I am afraid. Afraid that I will loose a sister in Christ. Afraid that the words spoken to me are empty promises. Afraid of being lied to again.

Truth: My timing is not God's timing. My ways are not His ways. John 15: 1-4 tells us:

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

Truth: Even though something in your life may be good and glorifying God, it may not be exactly what He wants for you right now. When you are pruned, things good and bad are taken away so you can ultimately become what you are called to be and be even more fruitful.

Truth: I am not called to be alone. "No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine!" What good will retreating do me? Satan knows I am weak in this. So I must remain in my community. Not only must I remain in my community, but I must continue to seek God in all that I do.

Truth: I am not defined by earthly things. This life is not mine to live, but is a gift, given to me by God to do His works! 2 Timothy 4:5 tells us:

"But as for you, keep a clear head about everything, endure hardships, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry!"

Even though this Truth is constantly being spoken into my life I am still hurting. Without a doubt, it hurts, but there is one final Truth that is resounding in my head! "Trust in the LORD and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" -- Proverbs 3: 5-6.

I am not going to understand. I can't limit God to a box. He will take care of me. I just have constantly trust in HIM! I can't control anyone else, and I definitely don't have control of my own life. Ultimately I must give HIM control of it all. He is my rock, my light, my salvation, my all! So Father come to me. I pray that I would be constantly reminded of this Truth daily. When I sleep, when I wake, remind me that You have control. Father, this live is not mine. Help me to trust in YOU day in and day out, through the good times, the bad, the storms, the calm, through everything. I love you Father.

-- Your Broken Son