I am hurting. Honestly every part of my body is begging me to go back to the depressive state that I was in at the beginning of this year. It hurts knowing that something that was good has to be removed from my life. It hurts when every part of me knows that what I had glorified God. To add on to it, I am afraid. Afraid that I will loose a sister in Christ. Afraid that the words spoken to me are empty promises. Afraid of being lied to again.
Truth: My timing is not God's timing. My ways are not His ways. John 15: 1-4 tells us:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
Truth: Even though something in your life may be good and glorifying God, it may not be exactly what He wants for you right now. When you are pruned, things good and bad are taken away so you can ultimately become what you are called to be and be even more fruitful.
Truth: I am not called to be alone. "No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine!" What good will retreating do me? Satan knows I am weak in this. So I must remain in my community. Not only must I remain in my community, but I must continue to seek God in all that I do.
Truth: I am not defined by earthly things. This life is not mine to live, but is a gift, given to me by God to do His works! 2 Timothy 4:5 tells us:
"But as for you, keep a clear head about everything, endure hardships, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry!"
Even though this Truth is constantly being spoken into my life I am still hurting. Without a doubt, it hurts, but there is one final Truth that is resounding in my head! "Trust in the LORD and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" -- Proverbs 3: 5-6.
I am not going to understand. I can't limit God to a box. He will take care of me. I just have constantly trust in HIM! I can't control anyone else, and I definitely don't have control of my own life. Ultimately I must give HIM control of it all. He is my rock, my light, my salvation, my all! So Father come to me. I pray that I would be constantly reminded of this Truth daily. When I sleep, when I wake, remind me that You have control. Father, this live is not mine. Help me to trust in YOU day in and day out, through the good times, the bad, the storms, the calm, through everything. I love you Father.
-- Your Broken Son
mah bruddah,
ReplyDeletethe wisdom God has given you since your last post is everlasting. john 16:33 is something you can dwell on when you feel like you need your Father's comfort:
"i have the told you these things, so that in ME you will have peace. in this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world"
In your pain and weakness, He is strong. these all seem really elementary to any christians but it's something we (myself included) often forget. God, the creator of the universe, maker of heaven and earth, He who wove together the fabric of reality, the one who breathes air into the living things all around us.....He carries us. i think that it's time to realize sometimes it's ok to Let go and Let God. :) night dude.