Today was hard. I needed it though, and I was definitely reminded that I needed to be humbled before the Lord. Today taught me that I am going to have days where I can choose to live in the comfortableness of the world, or I can choose to fight that and live in the Truth of God!
For literally the past 3 weeks, I haven't had a bad day or really struggled that much at all. I have been living in the Truth of God, constantly seeking Him in everything, and always praising His name no matter what. I truthfully can not tell you the last time I had a bad day. I woke up this morning and I met with Becky, the assistant director of the Wesley, and a wonderful women of God! I talked to her about my relationship with Cassie, and was even further reassured by God through her. After that I went to class and we even got out 30 minutes early! I was excited for my meeting with Brian Mercer, but got a phone call immediately after I got out of class and he told me he was going to have to re-schedule. This was completely fine, and I knew it was for a good reason. After that I realized that I needed some gas to go to shreveport tonight, and I literally had no money in my account. So I reluctantly called my parents and asked them if they could put some money in my account. As I was talking to my mom she told me she wanted me to "settle." When I heard this I was like what? What do you mean settle? What is she talking about? She then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to make sure I was doing things for God and not for other people.
Immediately I knew what she was talking about! My mother is scared for me to go to Cambodia. She is fearful for me, and I know that she is just being a mother and caring for me like she should. I know she loves me, and I know she isn't doubting my call at all, but it hurts sometimes. I love and value my family and their opinion over anyone's, but God. So when it feels like my parents are disapproving of things God has called me to, it hurts. My mom wouldn't explain beyond what she said, but I knew what she meant. That immediately put me in a bad mood! I proceeded to head to work, and have one of the worst days at work that I have had since I moved to the branch in Ruston three weeks ago. It was so easy for me to sit there and say today sucks, nothing good has happened, and I am just going to sulk and be comfortable in this crappy mood. I had to make a conscious effort to focus on the good, give it to God, and let him take control and take care of the situation. It was not easy! Every little thing that went wrong, (and a lot of things went wrong) I had to make a conscious decision to not get upset or frustrated. It was hard, but it was definitely humbling.
Through this day God taught me that I am going to have days where I struggle, I am tempted, and things don't go my way. When this happens I must humble myself before the Lord and know that I can't control this. I must give every situation to Him and relinquish control. As I stated in one of my earlier posts: "This life isn't ours to live. It is given to us by God to carry out His works!" Although today was a struggle, it was a day that I definitely needed. Praise God in times of hardship, joy, peace, temptation, struggle, sadness......Prasie God ALWAYS!
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